Archive for April, 2008

Status Symbol

Monday, April 28th, 2008

I am, temporarily, the driver of a very spiffy Nissan Sentra.  My usual ride, a 4 1/2 year old Honda Accord with 68,000 miles on it, is getting a new front bumper.  The insurance company approved up to 3 days for a rental car at up to $30 a day.  This seemed reasonable, as it covered the cost of a compact vehicle.  As I will be using this car just to get around town for a bit, a compact seemed more than adequate.  Really, even an “economy” would have done the trick.  I told Enterprise that was what I needed - an economy or compact vehicle - whichever was readily available.  They tried to upgrade me to an Altima.  They told me about the features, the luxury, the size and the style.  All I heard was that it was more expensive, and that because it’s bigger it will require more gas to cover the same distance.  They had even pulled the bigger car next to the smaller one to show me how much “better” it was.  With gas at $3.60 a gallon on a good day it’s just not going to work on me.

The key to selling is to read your audience.  It’s not what the target wants, but what makes the target tick.  Is it glamour?  Luxury?  That the car will make her look thinner?  I’m guessing someone at Enterprise told the salespeople that middle-class women in Montgomery County, Maryland see larger cars as status symbols.  I’m immune to such selling.  Not only have I never chosen a car for its luxury, but you’d have a hard time convincing me that luxury comes packaged in a Nissan wrapper.

I’m happy with my Honda and I’ve never wanted anything else.  Am I immune to some universal impulse, content or oblivious?

Addict

Monday, April 21st, 2008

I’ve talked about my weight fluctuations on here, and even mentioned addiction, but I don’t think I’ve ever directly talked about my Compulsive Overeating Disorder.  I want to look right at the problem on this blog, in public, because I think there are a lot of people who have the same problem, and a lot of people who don’t understand what the problem is.

COE isn’t just eating too much.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that the best way to lose weight is to just push away from the table.  Thanks, genius.  Or my mother, who thinks that what works for her should work for everyone.  Her ever-repeated line is “when you make up your mind to do it, you just do it.  You don’t ever deviate, no matter the occasion.”  Once again, thanks, never would have thought of that one.  There are definitely people out there who are overweight because they don’t understand what is in the food they eat, or how that food affects their bodies.  I’ve never been one of those people.  I read every label, and I understand on a pedestrian but functional level what the numbers on that label mean for my body.  I have memorized not only the Weight Watchers points for every food listed in the WW materials, but also the formula for figuring the points so that I can calculate the points of any new foods on the market on the spot.  I do not have an information deficit.

I’m also not lazy, or sloppy about my personal appearance, or insecure, or oblivious, or any of the other adjectives I’ve heard people apply to the fat simply for their fatness.  What I am is an addict.  It took me a long time to see it that way.  Like an alcoholic who starts with a few drinks only at parties, and then only at happy hours, and then suddenly finds herself in a bus stop in Phoenix with no shoes and a new tattoo, I can’t really pinpoint when I went over the cliff.

I remember “sneaking” cookies when I was seven.  My mother always kept a box of Entemann’s chocolate chip cookies in the freezer.  I got three cookies a day in my lunch.  Then I’d come home and “steal” one or two more and eat them frozen trying to chew them down before anyone noticed.  When I didn’t get “caught”, I started taking more.  I’d try to take enough to satisfy my urge (urge, not hunger, I wasn’t hungry), but never so much that I emptied the box.  That was my version of being sneaky.  How I thought no one would notice that 15 cookies were missing, I don’t know, but for age 7 that’s as analytical as it gets.  Then I realized there were other things in the house that could go missing without anyone noticing.  The trick was not to open anything sealed, and not to finish anything opened.  I drank chocolate syrup and honey directly from the container.  I’d smush together margarine and brown sugar and eat it off a spoon.  Cereal went down by the handful - no milk required.  Ice cream was eaten straight from the container, with care taken to leave the same hill and valley pattern that had been there before.  There was a cabinet in the front hall where my mom stuck boxes of chocolates that people gave her as hostess gifts and then forgot about them.  I took them up to my room, hid them in my closet, and ate through about a box a day.  My favorite after school snack was three slices of muenster cheese melted in the toaster oven until the sides were slightly crisp, then smothered in worchestershire sauce.  But the cheese wasn’t my binge, because everyone knew I ate that.  The binge was the stuff that I concealed and ate by myself.  The problem got worse every year, but I was still a kid with a high metabolism, so the pounds didn’t come on.

The first time I started to gain I was 12 years old.  I was at camp.  Most people lose weight at camp what with athletics, but I had found creative ways to get out of moving much.  Plus, by that age I had more access to food.  We were allowed to leave the camp for ice cream and fast food outings.  Although we officially weren’t permitted food in the bunks, we had money and we found ways to sneak it in.  At “milk and cookies” before Taps every night I consumed a huge amount of both.  Sticky buns were served Sunday mornings, and I used to go from table to table to claim any uneaten buns.  I wasn’t big, but I put on weight.

From there it went downhill.  As I got older I had more time away from home, more access to cash, and with it a growing ability to fuel my binges.  Every extra dollar I found went to food.  Sure, there were times when I went on a diet and lost weight, or when I could restrain myself for a while, but I always went back.  The need was always there, and I couldn’t seem to make it go away.  I’d give myself ultimatums, and then revise them infinite times.  The pleasure truly was greated than the pain.

I have so much more to say about this topic.  Let’s call this Intro to Addiction.  I’m thinking I’ll write about this in three parts.  The next one will be teenage/early adult years, and the third one will be recognizing and addressing the problem.  If I don’t break this up a bit, it will be too long to read in one sitting.  Plus, I can’t write about it all at once.  Too draining!

Taco

Thursday, April 17th, 2008

My favorite part of high school was junior and senior year.  Those were turbulent times for me.  Even though I had walked out on my family and couldn’t quite find myself, I was having a lot of fun.  I dated a guy, Dave, who really is one of the best men I’ve ever met.  Not that he was a perfect boyfriend.  But we were teenagers.  We really didn’t know better.  I was hardly good to him all the time.  It’s a story worth telling, and I will, but for the moment let’s just say that we did love each other, and I respect the person he is.  The rest is just the past.

We developed a group of friends who mostly consisted of misfits.  Smart, creative and lacking social clout in the general high school population we felt “cool” when we were together.  The guys even called themselves a “gang”.  They had a name - I can’t remember it now but it contained an umlaut.  We dressed goth and chainsmoked.  Brilliant.  The majority of the group went to Morristown High School in NJ with Dave.  There were a few of us from other schools, but the core was from Morristown.  So, when it came time for their yearbook, they bought a group page together.

One of our inside jokes was a phrase that they always said in Spanish.  I don’t speak a word of Spanish, so I can’t remember it in the “original” form.  The English translation is rather unforgettable though.  “If G-d hadn’t meant for us to eat pussy he wouldn’t have made it look like a taco.”

I don’t know if it was that friends of ours worked on the yearbook, or that the censors didn’t bother to pull out a Spanish to English dictionary.  All I know is that when the Morristown High School class of 1992 received its yearbook, the phrase was, in its entirety, in Spanish, across my friends’ page.  When the foreign language department saw it they flipped.

I guess when you’re 18, that’s all you need to feel a sense of victory.

Accident

Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008

On Tuesday March 18th I had a car accident.  Nothing awful.  I’m totally uninjured, and for the most part so is the car.  If not for the license plate so charmingly displayed in the windshield you would never know anything was wrong.  I was hit by the most lovely man.  Well, the most lovely man without any appreciation for traffic signals, anyway.  He did run a red.  I went through the green.  The horror.

When he got out of his car and apologized, he offered the excuse “I thought I could make it.”  Now, how exactly, if my light was green, could you have made it?  I was as low on the snark-o-meter as I could possibly be.  My hand was shaking from the adrenaline response.  I was driving safely in good conditions, and I was in a car accident.  Yikes.

The next day I had a small panic attack at having to drive to work.  I had an even bigger panic attack about two hours after that.  I don’t know why the delay happened.  When I started hyperventilating I called my boss into my office.  She’s a boss who in addition to a business degree has a psychology degree and is a mom.  She’s definitely multi-talented.  I told her what happened, and that I was in a panic:

“But why?  Why are you panicking?”

“Because I was in a car accident!”

“Not good enough.  You’re safe.  You’re not injured and neither is anyone else.  So what else?”

“Okay, good points, I’m not sure why.”

“Is it because of the “could haves” running through your brain?”

“Yeah, that sounds right.”

“Okay, stop that, get back to work.”

I think that last bit was mostly the mom talking.  She was right.  There was absolutely no excuse for my response.  Sometimes I do just need to snap out of it and refocus.  Still, I’m driving more cautiously than ever.  I don’t trust anyone’s driving right now.  I assume all other cars are out to get me.

I’m hoping that I’ll go back to normal soon.  Hopefully it’ll happen around the time that the license plate gets bolted to the new front bumper.