Cheap and Easy
I think we’re long overdue for a story, so I thought I’d tell one of my favorites. Here’s the set-up:
There is this guy named Scott who works with some friends of mine. He’s equal parts brilliant, geeky, and crazy, which is exactly my type. I can spot a genius with a penchant for Star Trek who needs serious amounts of therapy anywhere, and Scott was it. I was having a run of Scott’s – my friends even bought me a roll of toilet tissue as a gag gift – so why not one more. I knew I couldn’t be serious about him, but I could tell we’d have a LOT of fun together, and I was right.
We hooked up and had a blast. We clicked really well in a lot of different ways. I let my guard down a bit and slept over. Definitely worth it, as the fun continued into the morning, and I got a ride home out of the deal. It was so good that a few months later, when I had the opportunity to go there again, I did. I normally don’t do encores, but I was having a good time. I assumed he would tell his friends, even our mutual friends, about the hook up, and so did I. We were both single, and both seemed to want the same thing out of the interaction, so I felt pretty good about everything.
A few weeks later I was out at a bar with one of my girlfriends, and we bumped into some of Scott’s co-workers. No one we knew well, just some guys we recognized. In the interest of being polite and of getting acquainted, we went over to chat with them. We were all pretty drunk, but that can’t explain what happened next. The guys said they knew I had hooked up with Scott. Okay, yes, I did. They then asked my friend and I back to their apartment for sex. I was left with the distinct impression that whatever Scott communicated to his co-workers implied that I, and therefore my cohorts, were available to whoever wanted us. This couldn’t be further from the truth. As my friend Dee used to say, the distinction between a whore and a lady is discretion. Just because I’ve slept with lots of guys doesn’t mean I’d sleep with anyone. How rude. I was angry with, and disappointed in, Scott for putting out such information about my putting out.
A few months went, and I didn’t see anyone from that crowd. Then I bumped into a group of friends that included Scott at the Gefilte Fish Gala. Immediately Scott made his way to me, and seemed to want to start where we left off. I told him I was mad. He was surprised – the sort of relationship we engaged in didn’t normally involve such emotions. I described my interaction with his co-workers. He said that he was upset that they had treated me that way, and that they had treated my friend, who had nothing to do with anything, that way. He also said that he only told them he hooked up with me, and that he didn’t think I’d mind that. He said “I’d never tell anyone you were cheap and easy.”
Here is where I pause for effect, as I’m about to deliver what I consider to be my greatest spontaneous comeback.
“I’m definitely easy. I’m just not cheap. That I resent.”
Once the laughter stopped he bought me a drink, and we made up. He said he was sorry his co-workers made me feel cheap, and I said I was sorry I blamed him. But, when Scott asked me to go home with him that night, I just wasn’t feeling it. The curtain had been pulled back too far, and I’d seen that he could make me have an emotional response. That’s where I drew the line. I haven’t seen him since.